Prologue

Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose
 .....Strong and content I travel the open road.
 - "Song of the Open Road"

It might be pretentious and cliche to open a road diary with an excerpt from one of Walt Whitman's classics, but I couldn't help myself. I'll take my monocle off now.


I planned on posting this earlier on Thursday but probably got distracted by packing (or, more likely, Roller Coaster Tycoon). So by the time you read this, we'll already be on the road.


If you plan on following along during our trek through the western United States, here's some of what you need to know:


The Plot


A family of five yearns for its summer road trips of yesteryear. While these trips included the Great Lakes, the East Coast, the West Coast, Hawaii, the Appalachians, theme parks and various historic sites, we had never really ventured to the area between Missouri and the western coastal states.
We're getting older, and it's getting harder to do family vacations now that Meagan, Matt and I all live away from home. So, for what may be our final family vacation (although we've been saying that for every family vacation since 2006), we decided to take the ultimate road trip:  A 12-day venture down Old Route 66. Awww, yeah.


The route has changed slightly, but here's the basic outline of where we're going:

THE TWIST:  Everyone in the family is over the age of 19, so cramming into a van like we're 5, 10 and 13 years old again should be interesting and stuffy. Did I mention this is a 12-day trip?


The Characters

Dad, 59:  Our fearless leader and road trip extraordinaire. Legend has it that he used to drive from Indianapolis to Panama City Beach (and back again!) using only a cardboard box, a paper clip, a ball of twine and some hard tack as supplies, so these long stretches of driving during the trip will be a breeze for him. Some of that story might not be true, but that's the whole point of a legend, right? 

Odds of Survival if This Turns into The Donner Party/The Hunger Games: 10:1. Dad's a smart cookie and is in good shape. Plus, all he eats are carrots, grapes and mustard (TOGETHER, like some sort of savage), so he'll be set for a while if we get stranded in a vineyard or something.

Mom, 57: In her own words: "Just put down there that I'm a big nag and that I yell at people for nothing." While this is true, Mom is also really good at freaking out every time anyone in the family gets near a ledge with a drop off of 10 feet or more. So driving through the Rockies should be a delight. Also, she's got a great eye for quirky gift shops.

Odds of Survival if This Turns into The Donner Party/The Hunger Games: Again, in her own words, "10-to-zero because I'm gonna win." While we'll forgive her for the mathematical impossibility, Mom does have an uncanny ability to win people over. She's also the smallest one in the family, so, in the event of an avalanche, Mom will be the one to slip through the rocks and then announce how right she was about the dangers of mountains and cliffs.

Meagan, 28:  The oldest sibling and the only person in the family born without a sense of humor. Meagan is the therapist of the family, so she's often a voice of reason, but she's also one most likely to have a panic attack over a broken down elevator (long story) or the fact that there isn't a bathroom nearby. Her main battle this trip will be to emerge mentally and emotionally unscathed after sharing the back of the van with Matt and I.
Odds of Survival if This Turns into The Donner Party/The Hunger Games: 200:1. In Meagan's own words: "I would die for sure. I'm too much of a wimp. I would pass out and die at even the thought of eating something gross. But I would gladly kill you..." Thanks, sister!


Matthew, 19:  The youngest sibling and the only person in the family admittedly scared of butterflies, Matt will spend 50% of the trip staring at Meagan and me with his signature creepy smile. 

Enjoy not sleeping ever again.

He'll spend the other 50% pretending to push Mom in the Grand Canyon, off a mountain, into a trash can, etc.
Odds of Survival if This Turns into The Donner Party/The Hunger Games: 50:1. Matt is a cross-country runner, so he'll have speed and endurance on his side, but he's also scared of butterflies and pieces of dust, so he'll succumb to the elements in a matter of seconds. He also recently cut his finger at work (as he's reminded us 810 times), so he's vulnerable if you blow on it too hard.


Which leaves...


Me, 25: Probably the only normal person in the family, which is why Mom and Dad love me the least (also:  I'm the middle child, so that kind of speaks for itself). I will probably be pestering my family the entire trip to do/say interesting things worthy of blog updates, so they'll be sick of me within the first 30 minutes of Day One.
Odds of Survival if This Turns into The Donner Party/The Hunger Games: 500:1. Matt will annoy me to death before I even get a real shot. Or Meagan will actually kill me, as part of her dying wish. Or Mom and Dad will kill me so they can feed their two favorite children. Whichever way it happens, I'm not making it.